There are several reasons why I haven’t had time to update this blog lately and this is one of them…

The Artist has scored almost universal praise from critics and is the likely front-runner for winning Best Picture of the year during the Oscars Sunday night.

It has grossed 28 million dollars in 3 months.

The Devil Inside has scored almost universal pans from critics and is the likely front-runner for one of the year’s worst movies.

It grossed 33.7 million dollars in just 3 days… and has reached 53 million dollars since January.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that box office and popularity matters more than quality and creative risk…especially when it’s something like The Artist, which I greatly enjoyed.

But which movie has had a more profound impact on American cinema? Which movie will likely continue to gross more money on video and other markets? Which movie generated much more conversation and engagement? Which one will people still be talking about in a few years?

Just sayin’

Deadline is reporting that Disney is working on a remake of The Night Stalker, the cheesy horror tv show from the 70′s about a tabloid reporter on the prowl for vampires, werewolves, zombies, and aliens – directed by Edgar Wright and starring Johnny Depp.

Here’s the thing. I’m a HUGE fan of Wright and I think that Depp, when partnered with a strong director, is still one of the most talented actors working today.  When left alone or unchallenged? Well…..

Depp’s upcoming movies will now include Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, and then Night Stalker. 

I’m just sayin’

I can only imagine that he’s also hoping to secure rights to HR PuffnStuff, Fantasy Island, and Shazam! Or maybe a remake of the Gargoyles tv movie with Bernie Casey?

Johnny Depp is now like a middle-aged nerd at a comic book convention, but instead of dressing up in costume and buying collectibles he has the power and the $$ to create the most expensive “fan films” of all time.

Yes, I’m sure I’ll pay $ to see this thing because I have absolute confidence in Edgar Wright…but I’d be much more excited to hear that Wright and Depp were working on a modern and contemporary horror/comedy hybrid that was based on an original script.

And … Night Stalker? Really? Has Hollywood learned nothing from the failures of Land of The Lost, The A-Team, and Mars Attacks? The failed tv reboots of Charlie’s Angels, Bionic Woman, Love Boat, and Fantasy Island?   I think time has regularly shown that a fringe fanbase who appreciates a form of entertainment with a sense of irony mixed with nostalgia RARELY translates into anything that contemporary audiences will support.

Again, I hope I’m wrong because I hate to slag on these guys. Still…just… Night Stalker? C’mon!

How many movie titles can you name?

ABCinema from Evan Seitz on Vimeo.

During a recent appearance on The Nerdist podcast, Conan O’Brien revealed one of the secrets (and the side effects) of working in the comedy business for more than 20 years:

“.. a lot of comedy is making these kinds of neurological leaps that shouldn’t happen. They’re illogical. We’re trained to have logical, neurological leaps.  And since 1982 I’ve been sitting around, pretty much full time, trying to think of what’s funny and weird.

“Thinking incorrectly … is funny.”

I’ve long believed that there’s a thin line between horror and humor because both subjects originate with this kind of incorrect thinking.

We laugh at a sketch or a joke because the humor comes from contrast. Or an unexpected and inappropriate action within a mundane setting.

They've moved my desk four times already this year

The best comedy originates in situations that all of us have experienced. That’s why so many hack stand-up comedians talk about airline food and dating. Movies like Office Space speak to anyone who has ever spent time trapped in the corporate cubicle culture. You take a situation or an environment that your audience has experienced repeatedly and then twist and exaggerate elements to create comic effect.

Meg Ryan having an orgasm in a bedroom? Saucy.
Meg Ryan having an orgasm at Katz’s Deli? Hilarious.

Women being violently ill from food poisoning? Upsetting.
Women in bridesmaids’ dresses being violenty ill in a posh wedding boutique? Hilarious.

Mawwiage.

We laugh at the priest with the funny voice in Princess Bride, because it goes against our expectations for what we would expect to see in such a regal and grandiose setting. There are countless instances of humor that comes from seeing clowns, kids, and people with funny voices in otherwise ordinary and domestic sightings.

There are also countless instances of pure horror that comes from seeing clowns, kids, and people with funny voices in otherwise ordinary and domestic sightings.

A clown in a circus tent? Amusing.
A clown in your basement? All kinds of wrong.

Hearing a choir of small children giggling during a birthday party? Uplifting. 
Hearing a choir of small children giggling outside your tent in the darkness when you’re camping in the woods? Not so much.

Your mother's in here, Karras

The most effective horror movies take place in very realistic and relateable environments. The Exorcist largely takes place in a Georgetown apartment and director William Friedkin practically shoots the movie like a documentary with no music and no showy camera moves. The action doesn’t take place in an abandoned mental hospital or Victorian mansion, it all takes place in a middle class neighborhood.

This is also why the Paranormal Activity movies are generating so much money and excitement. The horror happens in suburban homes with “real” families and young people captured by the same home video cameras and cell phones we’ve all used.

A very real and relatable environment invaded by something wrong. Someone doing something completely against our perceived expectations. Those are the keys to generating both horror and humor.

The connection goes even further. Because what do we do after something startles or scares us? We laugh.

Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

Satisfied ScareHouse Customers

The Big Bad jumps out and the customer screeches in sheer terror … then laughs in release of all that tension and adrenaline. Our lizard brains are briefly short-circuiting because we can’t quite process what’s happening.

Did that chair just try to attack me? Is that funny? Is that scary? Is that a threat? Your brain is confronted by something so unexpected and unfamiliar that it essentially triggers dual responses of laughter and screaming.

This blending of humor and horror is very much a part of The ScareHouse DNA. Take a look at some of our most popular characters and you’ll start seeing how we play with those expectations. Elements are exagerrated to a point in which they become both humorous and horrifying. The ideas that most excite our creative team are often the ideas that make us laugh out loud during design meetings. Let’s put Creepo the Clown in a kissing booth! Let’s put a guy in a bunny sut and give him an axe!

It is a tricky balance though because humor and horror, while closely connected, do not always mix together well. While there have been multiple parodies and horror comedies released over the years I honestly think there are only two modern examples of the funny/scary hybrid movie that have really worked:

Shaun of The Dead
American Werewolf in London

Why do those movies work? For one thing the filmmakers make the horror elements very real. It’s not the creatures that are funny or mocked, it is the reactions of the protagonists that make us laugh. The zombies don’t dance or mug for the cameras. The werewolf is legitimately terrifying. The creators aren’t diminishing the power of the horrible things but they are laughing at the victims’ completely inappropriate reactions to the horror.

And do these movies take place in “wacky” comedy settings? Nope. Nothing but apartments, pubs, and busy streets. The ordinary world is invaded by something totally wrong and our heroes have are in no way prepared for it. The results are both hilarious and horrifying.

That’s the same mixture that we all strive to create within The ScareHouse. With the exception of our 3-D haunt, the sets are designed to be as realistic and relateable as possible. The freaks and creeps who terrorize you will hopefully make you scream and laugh, and your reactions to the unexpected invasion are often inappropriate and hilarious … but you rarely see us making fun of the actual horror inside.

Still not convinced that watching people scream and freak out is kind of funny? Check out our video below and tell me what you think….

The ScareHouse podcast take you behind the screams of one of America’s Best Haunted Houses! New and FREE episodes of The ScareHouse podcast are available every other week from now through November. Click here to subscribe via iTunes or visit www.scarehousepodcast.com.

I just finished reading Kitchen Confidential by Chef Anthony Bourdain and wanted to pass along a passage that just about perfectly summarizes my current state of mind:
I often use the hypothetical out-of-control ice-cream truck. What would happen if you were walking across the street and were suddenly hit by a careening Mister Softee truck? As you lie there, in your last few moments of consciousness, what kind of final regrets flash through your mind? ‘I should have had a last cigarette!’ might be one. Or, ‘I should have dropped acid with everybody else back in ‘74!’ Maybe: ‘I should have done that hostess after all!’ Something along the lines of: ‘I should have had more fun in my life! I should have relaxed a little more, enjoyed myself a little more..

“That was never my problem. When they’re yanking a fender out my chest cavity, I will decidedly not be regretting missed opportunities for a good time. My regrets will be more along the lines of a sad list of people hurt, people let down, assets wasted and advantages squandered.

“I’m still here. And I’m surprised by that. Every day”

Amen. Testify. Rock On.

It started with the goose.

This happened many years ago. It was a crisp October night, during the magical time of year when shadows seem deeper and the first chills of Halloween fill the air. After weeks of anticipation and hours on the road, we had reached our frightful destination: a haunted attraction “scream park” that promised a full night of thrills and nightmares. Bring on the hayride! Let’s brave the dark haunted house! Will we escape the corn maze? Is this where we’re supposed to park? Why is it so dark? WHY IS THAT GOOSE CHARGING AT US?

Wait, what?

It took just a few minutes to completely deflate all of the energy and enthusiasm that had once filled our car. There was the time spent looking for the actual entrance to the parking lot, followed by a couple minutes of navigating through a poorly-lit bog of mud searching for a parking space, and then the final confrontation of car versus angry goose… who decided to charge at our headlights amidst much frantic honking and flailing.

Quite the first impression, isn’t it? A car filled with potential customers held hostage by a rampaging goose. This was followed by an indifferent cashier, a hayride that started nearly 40 minutes late without explanation, and one of the most horrifying portable toilets I have ever seen.

The actual attractions were as elaborate and detailed as advertised, but after the oppressive start to our evening, each new element only seemed to add to our frustrations. There was enough income to purchase huge animatronics and heavily-stocked concession areas but no money for parking attendants, lighted walkways, or clean restrooms?

The ScareHouse: Pittsburgh's Ultimate Haunted House

We, and many others like us, never went back. But I learned a valuable lesson that, years later, has helped The ScareHouse continue to gain new customers and fans each and every Halloween season.

Your most valuable employees are not the chainsaw killers or the demonic clowns. Your most valuable employees are on the phone, in the parking lots, and at the ticket counter.

They are most likely the first employees customers will encounter and they are the ones who set the tone and mood for the entire customer experience. The best steak dinner can still be tainted by a rude waiter, and the most frightening haunt can be undermined by an indifferent cashier.

Who answers the phone at your attraction? Is it the motivated and energetic personality who can encourage people to come to your event, the grumpy employee just killing time until close, or the automated voice-message? Isn’t it worth paying for just one more employee if he or she can turn many of those information-seeking calls into actual ticket sales?

As attraction owners and designers, many of us will invest thousands of dollars on all manner of lighting gear to bring our sets and creatures to life but will neglect to install a few extra lights in our parking lots. Or we fail to appreciate the value of responsible parking attendants. Thus, our customers’ first and last experiences when visiting our attractions are filled with frustration or unease. Well-trained attendants will not only add to customer safety and satisfaction, but can also improve your ability to fit more vehicles in the lot.

Want to quickly irritate your customers? Make sure they feel ignored and overly processed. Long line and waits are inevitable at many haunted attractions, particularly late in the month. Take the time and spend the money to make sure your customers are informed and entertained while waiting in line. That means not only hiring entertainers or actors to perform outside, but also making sure that additional employees are in constant communication with your customers. Your customers will likely spend much more time waiting outside than within your actual attraction, and that is an important part of the experience that is often neglected. Make sure someone is always available to answer any and all questions about the wait, the attractions, and the bathrooms.

Seriously, clean bathrooms are more important than chainsaws.  Just spend a few minutes reading reviews of attractions, hotels, and restaurants on Yelp and Trip Advisor.

It is cold, it is dark, and your customers are standing in line for hours so that they can give you money. They don’t ask for much, but they would very much like to use a clean and lighted bathroom. Clean toilets, portable or otherwise, are more important than any effect or actor in your haunted house. Believe me, every additional restroom option increases the satisfaction of your guests exponentially.

By the time your customers finally take out their wallets, and interact with your energetic and excited cashiers, their enthusiasm and anticipation will be soaring! Don’t make the mistake of frustrating or emotionally draining your customers before they’ve even bought a ticket. Take that opportunity to attend to their needs and exceed their expectations.

And please make sure all rogue geese are under close supervision.

2011 was a blur of surreal adventures involving zombies, bunnies, superheroes, furries, Ghost Hunters, and more. These are some of my favorite shots posted to my twitter page in 2011 – www.twitter.com/ScareHouseScott

Four months? Jeebus.

I knew it had been a while since I’d posted anything to this site but had no idea that more than four months had passed. I also had no idea, back when I started posting to the site with more regularity, that the last four months would be quite as surreal.

I plan to look back at many of those experiences in much more detail in 2012 – because I think it will be beneficial to other haunters/creatives/business owners, because it will help me process and remember this experiences in more detail, and because I can safely say that I’m one of the few people who might ever see  a man in a bunny suit dance for a double-platinum recording recording artist at 1am in the middle of Etna.

I also plan to start posting to this site with considerably more frequency in 2012. Promise.